posted 6th June 2025
From Loss to Listening: How The Death of My Son Became the Catalyst for a Life of Healing
In 2001, I held my six month old baby boy in my arms, kissed his soft cheeks, breathed in his smell- unaware it would be for the last time.
He died of cot death without warning. One moment, life was ordinary. The next, everything shattered.
There is no way to prepare for the death of your child. My heart broke. The pain is not just physical-it's emotional, cellular and spiritual. A silence falls over your world that feels endless. The future you imagined disappears. Even breathing feels like betrayal- how can life go on when theirs has stopped?
I remember the stillness. The way time broke apart. The emptiness in the house and the unbearable sound of nothing.
What Grief Does
Grief didn't ask for permission. It took over my body. It sat in my chest. It changed how I saw the world. It stripped away all that was unnecessary - and left behind what was real.
But, amongst the devastation, something unexpected stirred.
Not a solution. Not hope. Just a question:
If I'm still here... what now?
Not to fix the unbearable pain - that wasn't possible. But to make meaning of it. To honour him by transforming what had broken me.
A New Life Begins
The following year, I gave birth to my daughter. A miracle, and a softness in the dark. My eldest son, born in 1998, was still just a boy himself - grieving in ways that no child should have to.
I was holding life and death at the same time. Parenting through pain. Breathing through heartbreak. Learning how to live in a world that no longer made sense.
That was when I knew I could no longer go back to my old life in banking. Something deeper was calling me - not just for my healing, but for others'. I needed to give my pain purpose. I needed to walk beside people the way I had once needed someone to walk beside me.
So, I began training as a therapist and I qualified in 2005 - but truly, my work began years before that, in the rawness of my own grief.
What I Do Now
Today, I work with people navigating profound transitions:
Grief that has no words.
Burnout that has gone unnoticed for too long.
Childhood wounds that quietly shape adult lives.
Sadness, depression, lack of meaning.
And, the pressure of being "the strong one" when you're quietly falling apart inside
Many of my clients are leaders, executives, parents, caregivers. They're holding it all together on the outside - but inside, there's anxiety, anger or emptiness.
Life is hard, and pain isn't choosy.
It finds us - no matter our status, success or strength. What we do with it... that's where healing begins.
People come to me for therapy, leadership coaching or EMDR - and often, they don't know exactly what they need. They just know they can't carry it alone anymore.
Why I Can Sit With Your Pain
Because I know how it feels to be undone.
To love and lose.
To show up while quietly breaking.
To search for meaning in the aftermath of something unspeakable.
Grief made me porous. Present. Real. It took everything from me - and then gave me back a new way of seeing. Of listening. Of being with people who need more than advice or coping tools. People who need to be held in truth.
I offer space that is calm, warm and honest. Where you don't have to pretend. Where all of you - even the parts you've hidden - are welcome.
If This Speaks To You
Maybe you're carrying pain from many years ago.
Maybe you're feeling lost inside.
Maybe success isn't feeling enough anymore.
Maybe you're fed up with holding it all together.
"My son's death broke me. But, in the pieces, I found gold. Purpose. I found the courage to sit with others in their pain - not to fix them, but to honour them and their unique experiences.
I thank my son for getting me on the right path. Losing him broke me open - but it also gave me the courage to live more authentically, to serve others more deeply, and to find meaning in ways I never expected".
You Don't Have to do This on Your Own
This is your time to come home to yourself. To heal what hurts.
Marie Hawke
Therapist | EMDR Practitioner | Leadership Coach
www.workingatdepth.org.uk